This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
