So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
