You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
