We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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