Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
