nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
