you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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