i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
