saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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