I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
