I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
