nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
