I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
