It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
