Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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