1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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