the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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