my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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