He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dicks are not precious.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
