Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
