The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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