Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
