dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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