i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
