Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
