You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
