I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
