you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
