so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
