I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
