I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't put those talents on a resume
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
