I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
