Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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