I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize