when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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