I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
