Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
