New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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