just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
