I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
