Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
