.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
