so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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