I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
one might say we're banned from that church
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
