my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
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