I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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