I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
