beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
NoShamevember. You game?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
