How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
