I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
