Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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