dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
