How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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