If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
