i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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