why didn't you poke me back
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
