Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Couch. On fire.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
