It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
