I want to walk on stilts...naked
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
