I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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