omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
