i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
