What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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