I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
