I feel like abortions should bother me more
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
