I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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