i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
