there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
