If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
