I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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