can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
