Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize