Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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