It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
