It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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