I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
