I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
