Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
