I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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