White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
