and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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