How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
